Reasons
by pam1
Summary: An attempt to explain Marguerite's return to her old ways
1. Default Chapter Title

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Reasons (part 1)

Setup: Marguerite and Roxton are scouting around when they are attacked by apemen. While fighting, Roxton's leg receives a deep cut and he is bleeding heavily. Marguerite cleans it as best she can and bandages it to stop/slow down the bleeding.

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Roxton, looking around, spies a broken branch. "This should do nicely as a crutch. We've got a long walk ahead of us and it will be dark in a few hours".

Marguerite, trying to keep the concern out of her voice. "Are you sure that can make it that far"

"What do you propose? Do you think you could carry me back to the tree house?" Roxton replies with a laugh.

Marguerite ignores Roxton's remark and begins trudging through the jungle, back to the tree house. She is silent as she walks, thinking to herself "If he's not concerned, I'm not concerned. Just slow a little consideration and get laughed at! Fine, but if he thinks that I am going to slow down for him, he's got another thing coming!" 

As she thinks, she begins to fume. She is angry, not so much at Roxton but at herself. She is angry for concerning herself over Roxton's injury. 

Behind her, Roxton picks up on Marguerite's tension. "Are you angry at me for something?"

Looking over her shoulder, she sneers "My, my, my. Nothing like a little conceit. I wasn't even thinking about you". Her tone suggests she is not interested in conversation.

They continue on in silence. Each deep in their own thoughts.

Marguerite tries to calm herself. "OK, collect yourself. This isn't getting you anywhere. Just put him out of your mind. Concentrate on getting back to the tree house."

Finally behind her, Roxton broke the silence. "You know, not long ago, I thought that you were finally starting to be part of the team. But lately, you're back to being distance and beg my pardon for saying so, selfish".

"Huh" replies Marguerite. "This is after I tend your wounds. Some thanks!"

"I don't mean to seem ungrateful for your help. I'm not, truly", Roxton apologies. "But I just can't help wonder why the change?" 

"Did you hit you head when we encountered the apemen" Marguerite queried. "I haven't changed!" Once again, her tone suggesting she is not interested in conversion.

"Great, just great! So I like to keep to myself. What's wrong with that?" Marguerite questioned herself. She had begun to think that maybe it was safe to trust someone. Maybe there was safety in numbers. That she was much more likely to stay alive, not get hurt, if she worked with the others. Then, little by little, she had begun to care about her fellow explorers. They were beginning to feel like she imagined a family would feel like. Challenger was like an uncle, a little remote, but always could be relied upon. Malone, the pain in the ass little brother. Veronica, the perfect little cousin, always good and usually right. How that annoyed her! Summerlee was just what she always imagined a grandfather to be. Wise, kind, considerate. He wasn't quick to find fault. He respected that people were entitled to different beliefs and outlooks, even if he didn't agree with them. Roxton was hard to define in family terms. He had the qualities she always imaged that a big brother would have. He was dependable, arrogant and protective. But she definitely did not have familial feelings for him for he stirred her like no one else ever had. To her, Roxton was a man she both wanted to know better and keep clear of. For she knew that when dealing with men, it was always best to keep a clear head and she found that sometimes difficult around Roxton. She supposed that in a family situation, she would be the stepsister. Not really part of the family but not a complete outsider. She started to think that not being completely alone, was not particularly a bad thing. She wasn't quiet ready to be a full-fledged member of the family but a step relative wasn't bad. What harm could come from concerning yourself about others?

She found out, the hard way, that there was actually a lot of harm with it. That day, when she watched with Veronica as the men fell, she learned there was a lot of harm in caring. Until that day, she had forgotten the lesson she learned as a small child. If you don't care about someone, it can't hurt when they leave.

Being alone, lonely, hurt. But not as much as losing someone you care about. She could not forget the feeling of helplessness that day by the bridge. The sense of lost was so intense; it was a physical pain. She and Veronica had searched diligently for the men. Each time they found one, the tightening around her heart eased a little. When they had found Roxton, she had wanted to shout for joy. She maintained her calm for she still wasn't completely comfortable with her feelings and she didn't want to expose herself to the amused glances of her companions. Her joy was short lived. For all in their party was not accounted for. Summerlee was missing and some of the tightness around her heart was back. 

She missed Summerlee and wasn't sure how to grieve for having lost him. From the reaction she got from the others, they were also not sure how to express their feelings of lose. No one ever mentioned Summerlee. Was that how you grieved, by keeping everything bottled up inside? Why care about someone if your only suppose to forget about them and move on. She decided then that it was time to reevaluate this, One for all and all for one mentality. It was then that she resolved to put a little distance between herself and her explorers. If everyone could forget Summerlee so fast, just imagine how fast they would forget her.

"It's because of Summerlee, isn't it" Roxton interrupted.

"What?!" Marguerite spun around so fast she nearly collides with Roxton.

"I said it because of Summerlee. You blame me for losing Summerlee". The pain in Roxton's voice is clear.

"John, no one blames you that Summerlee is gone. No one. There was nothing you or any body else could have done". 

"I should have done something. I not sure what I could have done but I feel responsible." Again, the pain in his voice is there but perhaps not as strong.

Marguerite notices that Roxton looks rather pale. "For all we know, Summerlee is in a better place then we are".

Roxton nods his head. "I'm sure he is"

"I mean who's to say that he didn't survive the fall", Marguerite continues. 

"He fell over a water fall!"

"You were dropped by a pterodactyl"

"He was stabbed by a spear"

"I was stabbed by a knife". She silently cursed Mordrid.

"It was a superficial wound", counter Roxton.

"No one had a chance to closely examine Summerlee. For all we know his was a superficial wound. For all we know Summerlee is on his way back to civilization!"

"It's a long way back to civilization from the bottom of the water fall, assuming Summerlee survived the fall!"

"But provided he survived the fall, Tribune said that the water fall may be a way off the plateau. Summerlee would be able to treat his wounds. And it's not like we are the only people to explore the Amazon. He could come across a band of hunters. He could even be forming a rescue party right now!" The excitement was evident in Marguerite's voice."

"Whoa come down Marguerite!" cautioned Roxton. "Even if Summerlee survived, it would be some time before he could get a rescue party together. So don't get your hopes up. But I do want to thank you"

"What for?" questioned Marguerite.

"For easing a little of the guilt I've been feeling"

"J" Marguerite stopped short. She reminded herself to keep her distance.

Roxton warily looked around. "What's wrong, why did you stop?"

"I thought I heard something. But I guess it was nothing. Come on Roxton, we better get moving or we won't get back to the tree house before it gets dark". Marguerite turned and started walking away.

END OF PART 1


	2. Default Chapter Title

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Reasons (part 2)

Setup: Continues where Reasons part 1 ends. Roxton and Marguerite are returning to the tree house after being attacked by apemen. 

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Roxton had a lot to think about. Perhaps he wasn't to blame for Summerlee's death, no disappearance. He should think positively, like Marguerite, and assume that Summerlee was alive. He wondered if Marguerite really believed that Summerlee was alive or just trying to ease his conscience. She perplexed him. He was both entranced by her and appalled by her. Maybe appalled was too harsh a word but he just couldn't understand how her mind worked. How could she be so selfish and greedy? These characteristics were contrary to Roxton's character, and he did not understand them. She was beautiful, but that was not the only thing that attracted him to her. It was her strong will, her quick wit and courage, to name but a few of her attributes. He had never met another woman like her. Despite her denials, she had started to warm to the group and now was retreating. What caused the sudden change?

The increasing pain in his leg cut into his thoughts of Marguerite. He continued walking, noticing that with each step, the pain was intensifying. Soon, all he could think about was his leg. Finally he said, "Marguerite, talk to me".

"About what", Marguerite countered. Her bemused look, instantly changing to concern when she glanced over her shoulder and saw Roxton. His face was deathly white; perspiration was rolling from his forehead. He looked to be in agony. "What's wrong", she demanded. "Should we stopped?"

"No, lets keep walking. We have a long way back and I would prefer not to spend the night out here." 

Marguerite didn't even try to keep the concern out of her voice. "But you're in pain. Shouldn't we stop so you can rest?" 

"No, there is nothing that we can do out here. Challenger will know how to heal the wound, or maybe Veronica. The sooner we get back, the sooner I can get this leg taken care of". 

Marguerite did not look convinced that this was such as good idea. Before she could speak, Roxton interceded. "Please Marguerite, right now all I have to think about is how much my leg hurts. Just talk to me so that I can take my mind off of it."

Marguerite still not convinced replied. "All right, if that's what you want. But if you pass out on the trail…"

"Alright, alright, you can say I told you so!" Roxton exclaimed.

"You'll be lucky to get off that easily" she retorted. "What should we talk about?"

"Anything, how about why did you finance this exploration?" Roxton replied.

Marguerite ignored his question. "I know", she continued, "why did you join this exploration?"

"That's easy" Roxton countered, "I'm a hunter. What better game could there be?"

"But why are you a hunter. Shouldn't Lord Roxton be something a little worthier than a hunter?"

"Ah, but you forget, I am the second son. No one expects the second son to be worthy. Just not to do anything to dishonor the family name."

"But didn't your family have any hopes, dreams, for you?"

"No, just not to dishonor the family name. Which I believe that I have never done anything to dishonor the Roxton name. I may have done things that my parents, particularly my mother, may not have liked. But they never concerned themselves overly with what I was doing. As long as I was healthy and not getting into too much trouble, I could pretty much do as I wanted."

"How awful!" Marguerite exclaimed. "Did your brother get the same treatment?"

"No, William was treated much differently". Roxton felt a touch of sadness at the thought of his brother. "William, I believed, had a much more difficult childhood then I did. He rarely had a moment to himself. My father was consistently molding him."

"Did it bother you that William not all the attention?"

"Not particularly. Don't get me wrong, my parents cared for me. They ensured that I was taught right from wrong and that I had all the advantages that comes with being a Roxton. I had the same nanny as William, went to the same schools as William, had the same privileges, more or less, as William. I also got more free time then William, more leeway then William. In general, I had more fun then William."

"So being the second son wasn't so bad"

"Not bad at all. In fact, I preferred it. I had never, for some reason, wanted to be Lord Roxton. Maybe it because I knew that William was so much better suited to the position. He had all the qualities that a Lord should have"

"And you don't"

"Yes to some extent I do. But William loved everything that went with a titled position. I tolerated it. When William was alive I could avoid a good deal of it. I am afraid that since his death, I have avoided more then I should have."

Marguerite decided that it would be a good idea to get the subject off of William's death without being to obvious. "Was William a good big brother".

"Yes. Of course we argued as children, even into adulthood, but we got along well enough. William was dependable, arrogant and bossy. "

Marguerite laughed to herself, she could use very similar words to describe him. "So he is a lot like you?"

"In some ways but William also was dependable"

"Oh and your not dependable?"

"Yes, but William was not selfish about it while I am"

"Selfish?! "  
  
"Well I can't be perfect. " Roxton stated with a grin. "Yes, I am selfish. For most of my life, I have more or less done what I pleased, when I pleased. I sought out adventure, traveled. William stayed home and helped my father take care of the estate. "

"But as the oldest son, that was his duty"

"But I also had a duty to the family which I avoided and still do avoid. William, had he lived, would be Lord Roxton, safely married with a son or two to ensure the Roxton name. I on the other hand, am lost half way around the world. "

"What happens to the estate if we don't get back?"

"My cousin Henry inherits it. That right there is enough to make me want to survive and return home!"

"Why, what is wrong with Cousin Henry?"  
  
"He is an abominable shot." At Marguerite's laugh, he continued. "No, I mean it. Once on a hunt he actually shot the dog. William and I were so embarrassed. He would not make a good Lord Roxton." 

"So, when you get home, does that mean that you will marry and have sons to carry on the family traditions?"  
  
"Yes, I suppose I will. But my wife would need to be something special. Someone that I wouldn't mind giving up travelling for."

"Does such a paragon exist?"

"I believe so. The right spirited woman would be adventure enough for me."

Marguerite did not like to think of Roxton having a wife and that annoyed her. She did not trust marriage. And even if she did, with her background she could never hope to marry a man like Roxton. To change the subject, she asked. "How's the leg. Has all this talking helped any?"

"Some. But I think that I am going to need to stop here. Can you find your way back to the tree house alone?"

"I'm not leaving you here! "

"Marguerite, I'm slowing us down. At this rate we will never make it back before night fall"

"Then we will both stay and start off in the morning. When we both have had a good rest"

"No Marguerite. I need you to go back and bring the others back. My leg seems to be on fire. And the fire is spreading up my leg. Making it more difficult for me to continue. "

Marguerite was worried that their conversion wasn't very conductive to feeling better. 

"Marguerite, please go to the others, tell Challenger what has happened. He'll be able to help. Don't worry, you have reminded me just how important it is for me to survive."

"Cousin Henry?"

"Yes, Cousin Henry, among other things. We aren't that far off. You should be able to make it back before night fall, get a good rest and show them the way back in the morning."

"We'll be back for you tonight."  
  
"Marguerite, don't risk it. I will be fine until morning."

"Lord Roxton, now is not the time for you to decide to be selfless. Besides, think of me. I am going to get enough grief for leaving you in the first place. Telling the others of my heroic efforts will be your selfless act."

"What heroic efforts?" Roxton teased.

Marguerite felt much better that he was retaining his spirits. "You have a couple of hours to think of some. Be sure that you don't get eaten or anything until after we get back. And before you starting thinking about how much I care, I don't. It just.."

"I know, you don't want the others to think that you pushed me over a cliff or sacrificed me for your own good" 

"Exactly. I'll be back shortly." Marguerite gave Roxton one last look and took off. Once she was sure he couldn't see her, she broke into a run. She tried not to worry. She fought the urge to turn back. Ok, she told herself, despite his suggestion otherwise, Roxton has a strong sense of duty. He also thinks it is his duty to protect us. So he'll do anything possible to stay alive for our sakes. Every time she doubted her decision to go back for help, she reminded herself of this. Every time she remember how pale and in pain he looked, she made herself think of times when he looked his best. There were lots of images of Roxton she had to choose from.

After what felt like an eternity, she spotted the tree house. She increased her speed, surprised that she had run so far and she had the energy to do so. Once she was in shouting distance, she called for Challenger. 

Veronica and Malone, concerned by the tone in her voice, meet her first. "Where's Roxton" they demanded in unison. 

"He hurt his leg. He couldn't walk any further. He told me to get help." Marguerite said out of breath.  


"You left him" Veronica and Malone accused, again in unison.

"I couldn't carry him. I think his leg's infected. He says it feels like it is on fire and that the fire is spreading." By that time Challenger had reached them. 

"I've got some ointment. I'll go get it. I hope it's not too late. I hope that it is an infection and not a poison that I have no antidote for." With that Challenger rushed back to the tree house.

"How it happen" Malone questioned. He was careful to keep the accusation out of his voice. He had seen Marguerite's face as Challenger was talking. She was grief stricken.

"We were attacked by apemen. They don't have poison in their weapons, do they?" The last question was to Veronica.

"Not to my knowledge. It probably is just an infection." Veronica had also seen Marguerite's face. "You better rest before we head out."

"We have to leave now. I left him an hour ago. He didn't look good. I hope he manages to stay conscious" Marguerite was getting anxious.

As soon as Challenger returned, Marguerite started heading back to Roxton. "Wait, Marguerite" Veronica called. "We need to get some supplies. Water, blankets, food. I'll be as quick as I can". With that Veronica took off. True to her word, Veronica was back quickly. 

They headed out in a brisk pace. As they walked, they were amazed at how much distance Marguerite had covered. "How long ago did you leave him" Challenger asked.

"About an hour or so. But we were attacked several hours ago."

A while later, they came upon the clearing where Roxton was. They were happy to see that he greeted their arrival with a raised rifle. But very concerned by how ill he looked.

"Marguerite, you made good time" Roxton stated.

"Of course. You weren't there to slow me down." Marguerite chided him. Now that she knew that Roxton was in no worse shape for her having left him, she began to relax a little. Challenger was by now examining the wound. 

"That is some cut. It is definitely infected." Challenger began to clean the wound and apply ointment. By now, it was dark. Veronica and Malone had started to make camp. Marguerite stood and watched as Challenger treated Roxton.

"I'm not sure if he will be able to travel in the morning. He is very weak. " Challenger stated. He gave Roxton some herbs that had some antibiotic qualities.

"I'll be fine in the morning" Roxton relied.

"We'll see in the morning." Challenger concluded.

The next morning, Roxton was much better. Challenger agreed that Roxton could return. "But" he warned, "any sign of weakness or fatigue and we stop"

Roxton conceded. As the group headed back to the tree house, Marguerite walked along side of Roxton. "I want to thank you for all you've done for me."

"Don't mention it" Marguerite demurred.

"Do you think any less of me for having needed your help?" Roxton continued.

"No, of course not" Marguerite was shocked at the question.

"So there is nothing wrong with needing some help. Depending on someone?"

"Oh, I see. This was some sort of guise to make me realize that I don't have to keep my distance"

"No, there was no guise. I did need your help and I wasn't afraid to ask for it. I know that you won't hold it against me or over my head to use at some later date."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that" Marguerite purred. 

"Well, be that as it may. I hope you realize that I would do whatever I could to help you. Without expecting retribution. So would the others. Please remember that. Please remember that this is a New World. And we all have a chance to make a new life for ourselves. Don't let the past blind you to the possibilities." 

"It is something to think about. But no promises." Marguerite stated. "Oh, and Roxton, I told you so!"

END OF PART 2


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